Summer of Savile – Day 13: Advice

It’s nice when people who’ve been strolling around this planet longer than you see fit to pass down a piece of well-trodden advice to aid you through all that tricky time you have to kill during the tedious journey to the grave. As such, I’m neither a borrower nor a lender, never leave the house without a pen, and always drop in a nob of butter when I’m heating up some baked beans.

That said, my Uncle Elizabeth’s claim that you shouldn’t give money to the homeless because they all spend it on the old Simpsons arcade game, even though they’ve already finished it a bunch of times and aren’t even really paying attention while they’re playing now seems misguided at best.

As someone who’s lived the lives of a thousand men, who better to share the wealth of experience than dear Jim’ll?

When taking refuge in a ladies’ loo it behoves one to elevate the feet for those who would peer beneath the door, as a pair of big male shoes give the game away.

That’s where I’ve been going wrong. Thanks, Jim! I always thought it was the falsetto “Someone’s in here! A lady – like yourself – just urinating from my cli-toris!” that gave it away.

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~ by Stuart on July 14, 2009.