Serious about Potholes
(Scroll down for updates)
I’ve long been a fan of the Local Paper Face, that is, the intense expressions of minor grief that you only ever see in tiny little newspapers. Those regular folks who’ve suffered through some mild crisis, or often, a piece of hell-in-a-handcart “nobody gives a shit but Daily Mail readers” bureaucracy, try to sum up the feelings of whichever incident with a level of facial sourness unique to the print media. Sometimes they’ll hold something up – a shoe, a dress, a bill from British Gas for a single penny. Others will point with an unyielding finger; often at the railing from which their bicycle was stolen. If they’re a mother, bet your golden arse they’ll be clutching a small child who peers out of the page with an equally penetrating glare of gloom.
This is from the local Liberal Democrats flyer that was shoved through my door, and I think you’ll agree, nobody has ever had such intense feelings for a pothole.
Look at the poise on that motherfucker. It’s like a local councillor version of that Grace Jones picture. His finger’s so straight and rigid, you could break cinderblocks over it with a big hammer.
On the other hand, this bloke thinks it’s all a big laugh. Although that might be the concussion. Plus, that’s a tenth of the size of McDougall’s pothole, the big baby. If he’d fallen down that one, he still wouldn’t have hit the bottom.
16TH OF MAY UPDATE
While Google Image searching for my own town, I bumbled upon another local pothole vigilante, road-kneeling in front of the dentist like a piece of irritated roadkill.
The intense finger-boner pose adopted by most has been rejected in favour of that of a sour magician’s assistant, an open handed “Ta-daaa!”
The body language says “BEHOLD! THE ROADS MAY BE BROKEN, BUT LADY BRITANNIA’S SPIRIT WILL NEVER CRACK!”
but take a closer look…
“Cuh! Bloody potholes, eh? *tut* Eh? *shakes head a bit*”
The Daily Mail is full of this old toot, especially the SAD INTENSE MOTHER HOLDING SAD INTENSE CHILD TYPE, but the local news versions are so much better. Send them to me, and let’s all have a great big Local Paper Face jamboree!