Free Stuff

A side-effect of writing a book which doesn’t become the most successful thing ever is that you inevitably end up with at least one box of unsold copies, sitting around your house like little tombstones that mark the death of your aspirations. I am no different. Short of firing them all out of a cannon, or having a symbolic bonfire onto which I also hurl myself, I figure I might as well give them away. Well not all, but some copies. Yes, some.

There’s more information about both books here, and reviews on the Amazon pages for Frantic Planet : Volume I and Volume II, but if you dig British humour, short stories, and (more in the case of Volume I) flash fiction, they might help kill a few hours in this dark, lonely world we’ve all been forced to share.


Alright, I know rules is for fools, but like a spitball covered, out of his depth student teacher, I must attempt to assert my authority with one. It’s a little concession towards self-promotion, but – to enter, you must be following me on Twitter. Find me here: @franticplanet. New followers who are adding me as they enter are of course, absolutely fine, as are the old hands who were following me already, and there will be no favouritism between newbs and the poor wretches who’ve been suffering my Twitter filth for ages.


It’s a sad day. Somebody wrote “MILLARD’S GOT A BUMFACE” in the condensation on my window. I know! Rude, right? My neighbour saw them fleeing the scene, but all they could tell me was, “It was a celebrity, but I can’t remember their name!”

So, just send me an email at – author at – containing your Twitter username, and with the subject as follows:

(X) CALLED YOU A BUMFACE!” with X being the celebrity you suspect most likely of guilt.

Whoever accuses the most likely or amusing celebrity will win the first prize, copies of both Volume I and II, while five runners up will be randomly drawn out of a hat, probably a beanie, and recieve a copy of Volume II. I’ll even sign them too, like some kind of big shot.

There’s no restriction on where entrants live, but if you live in Australia or on the moon or something, expect the slowest, cheapest postage imaginable. I’ll let this run for a week, and it’s the evening now, so let’s say this closes at Midnight GMT on Wednesday the 17th of November. I’ll alert the winners shortly after it closes. Have at it. Let’s catch this window-bully together!

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

~ by Stuart on November 9, 2010.

One Response to “Free Stuff”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Stuart Millard and Gary Fenn, Carol Ford. Carol Ford said: RT @BigSpud: Competition to win a book by a great writer. It's darkly funny stuff and well worth a punt <– Gr8 news […]

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