Cock-ney

Ever since I posted up a short piece about potential directions for Crank III, I’ve pretty much been swamped with searches for one thing. Every morning, I check the overnight stats for this blog. The big hitters are usually “chatroulette love,” “larry david stare” and “giles coren” (seriously, a frightening amount of people are trawling Google Images for pictures of Giles Coren shirtless), but since January, there’s been another trend clogging up my search hits.

jason statham penis

"I got a willy, dontchaknow?"

That specifically worded phrase has been searched for 66 times. But there are variations on a theme, and here’s just a selection. For starters, there’s also the grammatically correct.

jason statham’s penis

The more earthy.

jason statham cock

jason statham wang

jason statham’s dick

And the quizzical.

how big is jason statham’s penis?

Then we run through a parallel world, where people crave the same thing, but are just a little confused on the surname.

jason stathan’s dick

jason stratham’s penis

jason statman penis

Further we move, down into another category, where not only does Statham become too confusing to spell, but things turn into some weird Google-fu version of ITV’s terrible mid-afternoon 1980’s quiz show, Chain Letters.

jayson statham’s penis

jason statham penise

poto penis jason statham full

Which is a nice segue to the exotic.

penis des jason statham

Très bien! And from the Europeans, we move on to the cinephiles.

jason statham show his dick in crank

jason statham’s penis in crank

jason statham dick pics in crank

The thoughtful.

jason statham back looks like a penis

At this point, searches like this

jason statham body

jason statham’s body

are seeming pretty innocent. But having matured from the genital obsession to more general queries about the ‘body’, things get really specific.

jason statham back of head

But it’s no longer enough to just admire Statham, static, chiselled, and with his nob out, like Michaelangelo’s David; people crave some action.

jason statham tickled

Alright, that’s not very manly (although it’s bound to be a weird fetish thing), but sure, go on…

jason statham holding guns

Now we’re talking.

jason statham bloody

BOOYA! Now even I want to see his dick. Come on, let’s end this on a sexy high!

jason statham hobbies

Oh. I think you’re on a loser there, because judging from the internet buzz, Jason Statham’s far too busy to have the time for hobbies, besides measuring his own dick.

UPDATE – August 10th

As suggested by one of the tags, I suspected this blog would have an effect on my Stath-Cock releated traffic. Like the dinosaur-penised man himself, when he’s aroused and up a ladder, it’s through the roof. Barely 48 hours, and…

jason statham penis

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Oh, and to the guy who ended up on my blog searching for

ellen page erotic fiction

if you find that, hook a brother up?

FINAL UPDATE – August 21st

Okay, by now I’m sure you get the idea, but thanks to this article, this week my WordPress dashboard has looked like this…

(this represents only about 10% of the Statham-phallus traffic)

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~ by Stuart on August 8, 2011.