The Laziest Kickstarter Part II: Save Bayside
You might be wondering where’s the Saved by the Bell book I promised before year’s end. It was due to be available for pre-order next week, for release in January. But recently, its status went from:
Released Jan 2015
It was 95% done, and I was just tightening up the 170,000 words and about to get onto the cover, when my computer died.
As a one man band — writing, editing, cover images, promotion — I’m snared in a catch 22. I need a computer to write and promote my work, but without one, I’m unable to raise the money for a replacement. Let alone other stuff like, you know, food. Bottom line is, without this, I’m effectively done. Never in a billion years of my current situation could I cobble together the cash, not without this book.
Believe it or not, Smoke & Mirrors and Steven Seagal just about paid the bills (and no more than that) for six months. Since the computer died and I’ve been unable to promote it, it’s sold a single copy. The SBTB book was already a financial make-or-break. Without it, I have no idea where I even go from here. Except down. Fast and hard.
I feel like I’ve constructed something people are going to absolutely love. It’s the most comprehensive look at Saved by the Bell ever, and the sitcom genre, among the many other topics it takes on. There’s a super detailed history of the show’s production, before and after, and I’ve dug up a ton of stuff that’s never been revealed before. There’s also, in what’s likely the big selling point, an exhaustive, episode-by-episode deconstruction, of all 86 shows. It’s a truly monstrous work — 3x the size of Smoke & Mirrors… — and by far the best thing I’ve ever done.
Unfortunately, the only way it, and any other future releases, can ever see the light of day is with help, so I’ve put a Paypal donation link at the end of this post, should you kindly like to help see that happen. Maybe it feels a bit less like begging for the focus to be on the finishing of a (potentially) crowdfunded project, especially as that’s how this all began anyway. That’s how I’ll settle it in my head when I’m laying awake tonight.
Incidentally, I’m writing this post on a borrowed netbook with the RAM of a 1980’s calculator watch. I don’t own a phone, so I’ve no way of accessing the internet besides five minutes here and there on other people’s laptops. I’m completely out of the loop. For all I know, mankind’s colonised Mars, and lovely, sweet old Bill Cosby’s gotten caught up in a sex scandal.
Anyway, seeing as this is a quasi-kickstarter, what are the perks? I can’t really offer anything, outside of mildly-early-release PDF copies, but who ever wanted a PDF, even a free one? The only perk is knowing you’ll have saved this book, and my very existence on this planet.
I know times have never been tighter, and I know we’re all feeling it. I know there’s barely a spare bean to go around, especially not on frivolous nonsense like Mr. Belding’s tour of duty in Vietnam. I know it’s the 21st century and people still can’t afford to eat. I know this because I live this. As I twist my cap in my hands, it’s meant as a ”if you can, and you want to,” and if you do feel you’d like to toss something — anything — towards me to get this book out, then no matter how small, I couldn’t be more grateful. If not, then of course, we’re still cool, homeslice. And hey, maybe one of my followers is an eccentric billionaire.
I’m not putting a target goal up here because I have no expectations (beside a flood of messages telling me to fuck myself with a clawhammer), and there’s nothing sadder than a lovingly desperate Kickstarter with its progress bar stalled at 1%. Also because this netbook doesn’t have a pound sign key. Whatever a new desktop PC costs I guess.
I wish I could fully put across how much I hate that I’m doing this. I’m agonising over the existence of this post. I’m agonising over its wording (”am I sounding like an entitled prick?”) It puts a heavy, rotten feeling at the pit of my guts. I absolutely would not consider it unless I was out of options. I’m out of options.